To My Daughter...

Sweet Girl,

Tonight is the final night of our foster care journey together. Tomorrow, we will become an official family. I can’t begin to describe just how excited I am to wake up tomorrow and be your foster mom.

I can’t help but to think back to the moment I first learned about you. I was in the middle of a class at school, training my new assistant, and listening to a question from another teacher in the building when my phone rang. I recognized the number, and ignored all that was happening to get to the phone. I learned that you had just been born the day before, and agreed to bring you home the next day.

Over the past (almost) two years, I have been continuously amazed by how God has orchestrated our story. I’m amazed by how He chose me to be your parent, and how He chose you, the most perfect little girl, to be my daughter. This is one of those times in life when you just stand in awe of Him.

You have learned so much in your short little life. Watching you grow and learn new things has been one of my greatest joys. You have not been the only one learning though. These two years have taught me so much as well. I have learned to truly love unconditionally and through the most uncertain of times. I have learned that no matter how much of a planner I am, my plans don’t hold a candle to God’s. I have learned to have faith and hope when that’s literally all I can do.

While I don't know what the future holds for us, I do know that we will have each other, and for that I am so grateful. I pray that I never ever take that for granted. I pray that you will always know how loved you are, and how incredibly proud I am of you. 

Tomorrow, we start a new beginning. Tomorrow, you become my daughter. 

I love you so much.

- Mom 

P.S. Sorry if I embarrass you tomorrow. I've been waiting a long time for this day, and it's quite possible that the ugly cry will be involved.

P.P.S. Get used to it. Moms embarrass their kids.

Lessons I've Learned

I began the process of becoming a foster parent five years ago. I can confidently say that I had no idea what I was getting into. Looking back on this crazy journey, I can say I've learned a lot. Some of these lessons have been extremely hard to learn, and some of them I have to remind myself of daily. This month is National Foster Care Awareness Month, and I want to share what I've learned. 

Almost everything is unknown.

"What's the deal with his/her parents?" I don't know.

"Will you get to keep her?" I don't know.

"What will happen at court?" I don't know.

"How long will he be with you?" I don't know.

"Are there any medical conditions that run in the family?" I don't know.

"Did he/she have prenatal treatment?" I don't know.

"Were there any complications at birth?" I don't know.

So many questions, just one answer. So much of foster care is unknown...an unknown past, and an unknown future. One thing I've learned through all of this is that I don't need to have the answers. I need to trust in the One who does, and the rest will be okay.

I'm not in control. AT ALL.

As a person who likes to have a plan for everything, it's kind of funny that this is my life. I have never done anything in my life that requires as much patience and trust as being a foster parent. As much as I want to be the person who decides what is best for these babies, I don't get to. I don't get to determine when a parent is ready for the baby to return to him/her. I don't get to decide if a family member is appropriate enough to take care of a child. I don't get to have a say in what these children came from, or what they will return to. My job is to take care of these babies while I have them, and leave the rest to God. This is the most difficult task I've ever had. Thankfully, God's plans are way better than my own. 

Other foster parents make amazing friends.

I can honestly say that many times, I feel very isolated as a foster parent. My life as a parent revolves around waiting, paperwork, more waiting, home visits, court, even more waiting, doctor visits, packing up baby clothes, unpacking baby clothes, WIC appointments, sitting in the lobby of DCBS, and some more waiting. All of this, on top of working full time, taking care of a sweet child, and keeping my house somewhat together is a lot to do on my own. I'm probably not the best friend...not because I don't want to be, but because there's just so much going on. I don't have a lot of time to hang out or catch up with people like I would like to, and I hate that.

One beautiful thing about foster parenting is the friendships that grow between foster parents. There are lots of foster parents in my town and church who have become dear friends. They understand how chaotic things can be, and a once a month check in with each other can mean the world. The conversations that are had between us are raw and honest. There's no judgement. There are tears of intense pain, and tears of joy. I can look another foster mama in the eyes and say, "I understand," and truly mean it. We understand the heartbreak, the fear, and the joy that comes with this journey. I will be forever grateful for the foster parent friends I have made. Although we may not talk or get together often, they are such a blessing.

I'm not a perfect parent, and that's okay.

Parenting is hard...that's all. When I envisioned myself as a parent, I assumed I'd be cooking healthy dinners, doing arts and crafts with my children, and maintaining a perfectly clean, organized home. Well, that was a joke! My meals consist of heating up some frozen peas, opening a pack of mandarin oranges, and microwaving a hot dog. Arts and crafts are few and far between...unless the occasional coloring or Play-Doh session counts. My house is rarely clean, although it is pretty organized. The laundry is never caught up, and most of the time there are dishes in the sink. Although there are a lot of things I should probably do if I want to earn the title of "the perfect parent," I'm okay with just being okay. I try to keep in mind that God picked me to parent these sweet babies, and I'm perfect for them while they need me. 

Even though it's the hardest thing, being a foster parent is the best thing I've ever done.

This is all hard. SO VERY HARD. There have been many days where I've thought it was all too much. It would be so much easier to pick up the phone and call my worker to say that I can't do it anymore. I can't handle the heartbreak of packing up a baby I've had for months. I can't love another baby, just to hand them over to someone in the parking lot of DCBS. I just can't. But somehow, I've never made that call. And then the phone rings again, and there's a baby in need, and I say yes. I pick up that new baby, and I fall in love all over again. A lot of people tell me that the children I have "are so blessed," but that's not really the case. It's me. I'm the one who is blessed to be able to care for these children when they need it the most. The joy they bring to my life is indescribable. It'll never be easy, but it'll always be worth it.

If I can do it, so can you.

"I could never be a foster parent." I've heard that approximately 4,392 times in the last five years. Here's the truth. You could be. If I can do this, so can you. If it's been on your heart and mind, there's a reason. There are children who need you to be there for them. I would love nothing more than to walk alongside you as you start this journey. Please, contact me with any questions or for further information. I promise to be honest and answer any questions you have. If you're unable to foster, you're still able to support foster parents. Again, contact me if you'd like ideas/information. If nothing else, pray. Pray for foster children, foster parents, social workers, birth parents, judges...all of the people involved. Your prayers would be so appreciated. 

As always, thank you to everyone who has been there for me and the children over the last five years. Your support, messages, and prayers mean the world to me. You are a blessing. 

Merry Christmas, Little One

Dear Little One,

You don't know this, but this time of the year is referred to as "the most wonderful time of the year". People are shopping, homes are decorated, and families are making plans. Ugly sweaters are now cool, red and green are the most popular colors, and a different kind of music is playing. There is a sense of excitement, and most people are looking forward to the coming days.

You're too little now to understand what all the hustle and bustle is about, but it's called Christmas. For many people, Christmas is a time to celebrate with their families and friends. Gifts are given, meals are eaten, and memories are made.

This year, Christmas at my house is going to be different. There's an extra stocking hung on the mantle and more gifts under the tree. You've been to see Santa, made Christmas crafts, and even gotten in on the Elf on the Shelf action. You will wake up on Christmas morning to wrapping paper, boxes, bows, and a camera in your face for lots of pictures. We will jump in the car and head to see family for even more Christmas fun. What an eventful day it will be!

As great as all of this sounds, none of it is what I really want you to know about Christmas. What I want you to understand is that Christmas is about much more than gifts, Santa, decorations, and shopping. I want you to understand why we celebrate Christmas in the first place. You see, a tiny baby (maybe about your size), was born long ago. His name was Jesus. He came to save us, bring hope to the world, and show us what true love means. I pray that as you grow up, you will continue to hear of the birth of Jesus. I pray that you will come to know Him, and He will be number one in your life. It is my prayer that when Christmas comes around each year, you will understand that we are truly celebrating the birth of Christ...not all that other stuff.

So, Little One, when you give gifts for Christmas, may you think of the wise men who brought gifts to baby Jesus. When you sing Christmas songs, may you be reminded of the angels who sang of His birth. As you see opportunities to help people in need, may you react like the innkeeper and offer whatever you can. Like the shepherds, may you seek Christ--not only during the Christmas season, but throughout your life.

As you grow, Christmas will probably become one of your favorite times each year. Enjoy the fun and "magic" of the season. Cherish the moments with your family and friends. But, sweet Little One, never lose sight of the real reason for the Christmas season.

Merry Christmas,
Ms. Amanda

Taking a Leap

I typically don't post about my personal life (or post at all lately), but I'm making an exception. May is National Foster Care month, and as a foster parent, I feel that this is a perfect time to share my story.

About three and a half years ago, I felt called to become a foster parent. Honestly, I was hoping I was imagining things, because at the time, that didn't seem like anything I wanted to do. I prayed about it, and I basically told God that I wasn't interested, but thanked Him for thinking of me. He had other plans. The next Sunday was, not coincidentally, "Orphan Sunday" at church. I remember thinking that that was ironic, but I knew better than to shrug it off.

That week, I called a social worker at DCBS to ask about what was involved in becoming a foster parent. I found out that I would need to go through 10 weeks of classes (MAPP), complete a profile, go through a background check, and complete two home visits. After that, if approved, I would be ready for children in my home.

After learning about the process, I began to tell some women in my Bible study group about my thoughts regarding fostering. Another lady in my group told me that she had considered fostering, and may be interested in going to the classes with me. I remember thinking that if she was going to go, I would too. If she backed out, that was my sign that I wasn't supposed to do it, because I didn't want to go alone. Funny story...a day or two before classes were to start, she told me she wasn't going. Perfect! Now surely that was the sign I had been looking for. Too bad that literally minutes later, I received a call from my friend who worked at DCBS telling me that the person who was supposed to teach my class wasn't going to be able to, so she would be. Well, now I knew for sure that it was meant to be.

Don't get me wrong, I knew that I was fully capable of fostering. I love children, I understand the needs of children who come from hard places, I had the extra room, and knew that I could financially make it work. Basically, I had no reason to say no. I think I was just scared of the unknown. I was scared of the birth parents, scared of the behaviors that I may be dealing with, and scared of getting attached. I was just scared, but I decided to trust God, and take this leap.

I began MAPP classes on April 19th, 2012. The classes were very informational, and I actually looked forward to going each week. My last class was June 28th. After turning in a bunch of paperwork and having two home visits, I was approved in July. Then, I just became attached to my phone...waiting for my first call. Every time an unfamiliar number popped up, my heart began to pound.

On August 9th, I received my first placement. Oh, what a nervous couple of hours I had while waiting for two little girls to show up on my doorstep. (Thanks to some friends and a nearby toilet, I was able to pull myself together before they came.)

Now, almost three years later, I have been blessed to provide a home for thirteen children (mostly infants). Sometimes I feel like I have a revolving door to my house, as most of my placements have been short. But, when I stop and think about it, I am so grateful for any amount of time that I was able to provide a safe and loving home for a child when they needed it most.

Fostering has been a journey of ups and downs. Seeing a happy baby grow and learn is awesome. Having to hand a baby over in the parking lot of DCBS is rough. There are days of laughter, and there are days of grieving. There are days when I think I have this whole parenting thing down, and days when I feel like a complete failure. There are days when I feel like I have a great support system, and days when I feel all alone. I am honest in saying that fostering is so hard, but so worth it.

I think one of the things that has surprised me the most while fostering has been the public perception of what fostering is, and how things work. I would be lying if I said I didn't have the same thoughts and questions as other people before I started. I think when a topic or cause is close to your heart, you want everyone to become educated and involved.

The general public thinks that foster parenting is like a job where you earn a paycheck. That's simply not true. The state does pay for the child's needs, but that money is to be spent on the child. The $22.70 p/day doesn't cover everything. So, most likely, foster parents spend their own money as well. Clothing, diapers, wipes, childcare, formula, food, and everything else adds up quickly. The state does allow the children to be placed on WIC, and while that is so helpful, it is not enough for the entire month. Daycare assistance is also available, but again, there is always an overage to be paid. Most foster parents don't receive baby/kid showers, so everything comes from their pockets in preparation for a placement. Preparing for different ages, genders, and clothing seasons really adds up. (This is why foster parents are so grateful for hand me downs and donations.)

Another misconception is that there is a chance to "keep" every child who comes into a foster home. The main goal of foster care is to reunite the children with their parents when mom/dad has made the necessary changes and is ready to parent. These birth parents (or at least the ones I've worked with) are not terrible people. They are people who lack positive role models, have grown up in similar situations, or simply don't know how to parent appropriately. They are fully deserving of an opportunity to get themselves together in an effort to get their child back. While many people foster with the intent of adopting, this can be a long process as time is given to the birth parents to make progress. Before asking a foster parent if they are going to get to "keep" a child, remember that they probably don't know the answer. Foster parents do what we do knowing that things could change at any time. We are all pretty good at living in a state of uncertainty.

A third misconception is one I hear almost every time I mention that I'm a foster parent. Someone looks at me and says, "Oh, I could never do that! I'd get too attached. You are awesome!" Um, no. Have you met me? I'm far from awesome. If I'm being completely honest, this can sometimes sting a little when I hear it. I'm sure I've said this to people in the past, and I completely get it. I appreciate the compliment. Let me say that we DO get attached. We care for these children like they are our own, and we love them deeply. Foster parents are not robots who take care of children and then hand them back without any feeling. We are not superheroes who are trying to save the world. We are people who are passionate about helping children, and are willing to put our own emotions on the line to do what we can for these children. Please know that if it's something you are interested in, and feel is right for you, you can do it.

I personally want to take time this month to say thank you to the people who have supported me along this journey. I have friends and family who pray for me and for the babies. There are people who have been willing to photograph my babies for free, or at a discounted rate. Some people are willing to babysit. Clothes have been donated by people when their children outgrew them. I have friends and family who create bonds with the babies, and love them like I do. I have friends who are there to celebrate the milestones, and friends who listen through my tears. Foster parenting is something I chose, but I cannot do it all alone. Please know that your support and generosity are greatly appreciated.

Due to confidentiality, I cannot post pictures or information about the children I have, but know that the sweet babies who have come through my door are amazing and beautiful. I commit to advocating for these children. I will continue to share posts about fostering on Facebook. I will continue to try to recruit other foster parents. I will continue to do my small part.

If you've ever considered fostering, or want to help a foster parent or child, this is the perfect time to make a move. Feel free to ask any questions you have. I would love to walk down this road with you. There's a child who needs you. Do you have a reason to say no?

My Random Life

My life is random. Really random. Apparently people enjoyed reading my ten random facts about myself on Facebook, so I'm listing lots more. (Disclaimer: I am not normal. I already know this. Feel free to judge.)

1) In third grade, I told my teacher I was going to be a koala when I grew up. I was serious. My hopes and dreams died that day. 

2) I only drink coffee on school days; not on weekends, holiday breaks, or summer breaks. 

3) I have four fake teeth. 

4) I once had a green station wagon. 

5) Rather than washing dirty dishes, I often throw them away. 

6) I hate hugs. 

7) I once wore a tracksuit to a funeral. 

8) I only like clear barrel blue Bic pens. 

9) I haven't shopped for groceries since January. 

10) I once chased my sister around with a dead fish and almost got strangled for it.

11) My bedtime is 8:05.

12) My closet is color coded, and I only use white hangers. 

13) I have a super small foot--size 4.5. 

14) I once had to do my laundry in the bathtub. 

15) I can sing in the car for hours without missing one word. 

16) One time I was pulled over for expired tags, but then also got written up for an old address on my license, and for not carrying an insurance card. (I didn't know I was supposed to have one. He asked for my insurance card, and I gave him my Humana card.)

17) I have like 47 pair of the same pants. 

18) I have a natural talent for making up games in the swimming pool. 

19) I can't swim, and I "drown" very often. 

20) I was the youngest and shortest person in my high school graduating class. 

21) I once went on a "Domino's buffalo wings diet". After that, a "Long Johns diet". No wonder I'm obese. 

22) I don't like odd numbers. I'm not superstitious...I just like for things to be even. 

23) At night, I lay everything out for the morning in the order I will need it.  Also, after I feed the baby, I immediately set the high chair up for the next feeding...napkin, baby food, spoon, bib, etc.

24) I used to sing and dance in front of the window in my bedroom with one leg up on my foot board. I thought I looked cool. (That was in middle school. I don't do it now.)

25) In fourth grade my teacher made me mad, so I popped her brand new, large, inflatable globe that she treasured. 

26) I only have Tervis Tumblers to drink out of. 

27) Every day I match my Tervis to my outfit. 

28) In my first few years of driving, I hit the following objects: 3 parked cars, 7 light poles, a row of mailboxes, a Sonic machine, an ATM machine, and an old man.  (I called the police on two of those occasions and turned myself in...probably not the two you are thinking of.)

29) I auditioned for the role of young Jenny in Forrest Gump. I obviously didn't get it. 

30) I did, however, make it into this cheesy music video, along with the rest of my family. 

31) I only shave my legs on June 1st.

32) I started a hip hop dance club after school my first year of teaching. I don't dance. 

33) I tried to mow my yard one time. My neighbor let me borrow his riding mower. I didn't know how to make a turn other than a circle. So, my yard looked like a giant crop circle. I've never mowed since.

34) I don't own a coat. 

35) I don't own a watch. 

36) I am pretty sure I have Misophonia. I cannot stand to hear people eat.

37) I never wanted to go to college. 

38) My nieces call me "Ninny" because of a joke. 

39) I really love granny panties. 

40) My first job was as a telemarketer. 

41) My Christmas tree and packages have to match my living room. 

42) I just learned that my eyes are hazel, not green. 

43) I once ran through a screen door.

44) I am only 3/4" taller than the requirement to be in a booster seat.

45) Everything in my house has to be symmetrical.

46) I have no color in my house. Everything is neutral.

47) I once had the cops called on me in high school because my teacher thought she heard me say I was going to bomb the school. I never said that.

48) I am terrified of cave crickets. I used to call my old neighbor crying every time I saw one. He would come and kill it. I am sure that he's glad I moved.

49) I am a reading teacher, but I do not like to read. 

50) I sometimes think I look like a ferret.

Let's Get Real--Infomercial Edition

Is it just me, or have you noticed that infomericals are getting more ridiculous by the day? Not only are the products silly, but they have terribly stupid names as well. Here are a few of my favorites!

Hot Buns
Buns are back, so who doesn't need a set of Hot Buns?

My favorite lines from the ad:
"My buns have never looked this good!"
"I got big buns and I like it."
"Comes in three sizes....mini, medium, and big fatty!"

Now, as you probably know, I don't mess with my hair a whole lot. You most likely will never catch me sporting a bun, unless I'm hanging out at home. This product makes me laugh a lot. Anyone have a set of Hot Buns? If so, could I test out a big fatty?


WaxVac
I'm sure you've all spent countless hours wondering if there is a more effective way of cleaning your ears. Never fear, the WaxVac is here!



WaxVac is a nifty little tool that just vacuums the dirt and water straight out of your ear. First of all, if you have enough time to vacuum your ears out, you have too much time. Secondly, if you are willing to wash that thing out and see all of that grossness, you might be crazy. I agree that we all need clean ears, but this is a little too much for me.


No! No!
Do you love to shave? NO! Maybe that's where this company came up with the clever name for their product...the No! No!



I don't even know where to begin with this one. Supposedly, one of the benefits of this product is that you can use No! No! just about anywhere. I guess if you enjoy removing hair from your body on the couch, or in front of the window (like the women in the ad), then this is the product for you! I would be embarrassed to have this. People would definitely make fun of me. I can hear it now, "Do you want to go do something tonight?" My response: "Sure, just let me No! No! real fast!" Simply ridiculous. Oh, it would be super weird if your kids starting playing with it! "No! No! Don't touch Mommy's No! No!" I just can't handle it.


Gray Away
Problems with gray hair? I've got just the product for you!



I'm cracking up again. What's the difference in this and spray paint? I can just see myself trying to use this. I would have half my forehead painted, along with my clothes, and anything else  around me. This looks like a hot mess waiting to happen. I hope people who sweat a lot don't use it because it would probably start running down their face. How natural can it look?


Let's get real...all of these are ridiculous! Part of me wants to buy them, just to test them out. The bad news is that I can already predict that they would each end in disaster. The good news is that if you call now, you can get two for the price of one! Just pay additional shipping and handling!

Dear Diary

When I was a kid, I was very into my diaries and journals. Somehow, I still have all of them. (Anyone who knows me knows that that's a big deal, since I love to throw things away.) In an attempt to avoid cleaning, I decided to pull them out and read them. Some things were just pretty funny, so I thought I'd share.

March 22, 1993
"Guess what? I got GROUNDED from the phone! I am at such a depressing age."

Seriously? I was 10 years old. If that was depressing, I don't even have words for being 30. Some days I would like to be grounded from the phone.


Nov. 25, 1993 (Thanksgiving "93")
"Happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for my family, even though they get a little bit stupid a lot."

That's just funny. There's nothing else to even say about it.


Saturday, Nov. 27, 1993 9:43PM
"My sister is a pain in the brat! She always tries to act sooo perfect. About EVERYTHING!"

This is still true!! Not much has changed! And who even says "pain in the brat?"
 

Thursday, April 29th, 1999
"Becky is all excited...she made the varsity cheer leading team. I'm happy for her, but then again, it really worries me. A lot of cheerleaders have bad reputations and party, and I don't want her to end up like that, but all I can do is pray."

Well, the good news is, she turned out okay. God answers prayers! ;)
 

September 9, 1999
"I took the driver's test today, and I didn't pass it. First, we did all the little checks, and for the life of me I couldn't remember how to dim & brighten the lights. But anyway, I figured that out and went on. I messed up my turnabout really bad, almost hit a light pole when I had to 'park on a hill,' and I didn't turn the wheel into the curb, so I got counted off on that--I had never been taught to do any of those things anyway!"

Seriously?!?! What DID I know about driving?

Well, there was  A LOT more that was funny....mainly about all the boys I liked and "went out with," but seeing how I am friends with most of them on Facebook, I should refrain from talking about them. Just so you know, I no longer keep a diary...promise! :)