When I was a kid, I was very into my diaries and journals. Somehow, I still have all of them. (Anyone who knows me knows that that's a big deal, since I love to throw things away.) In an attempt to avoid cleaning, I decided to pull them out and read them. Some things were just pretty funny, so I thought I'd share.
March 22, 1993
"Guess what? I got GROUNDED from the phone! I am at such a depressing age."
Seriously? I was 10 years old. If that was depressing, I don't even have words for being 30. Some days I would like to be grounded from the phone.
Nov. 25, 1993 (Thanksgiving "93")
"Happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for my family, even though they get a little bit stupid a lot."
That's just funny. There's nothing else to even say about it.
Saturday, Nov. 27, 1993 9:43PM
"My sister is a pain in the brat! She always tries to act sooo perfect. About EVERYTHING!"
This is still true!! Not much has changed! And who even says "pain in the brat?"
Thursday, April 29th, 1999
"Becky is all excited...she made the varsity cheer leading team. I'm happy for her, but then again, it really worries me. A lot of cheerleaders have bad reputations and party, and I don't want her to end up like that, but all I can do is pray."
Well, the good news is, she turned out okay. God answers prayers! ;)
September 9, 1999
"I took the driver's test today, and I didn't pass it. First, we did all the little checks, and for the life of me I couldn't remember how to dim & brighten the lights. But anyway, I figured that out and went on. I messed up my turnabout really bad, almost hit a light pole when I had to 'park on a hill,' and I didn't turn the wheel into the curb, so I got counted off on that--I had never been taught to do any of those things anyway!"
Seriously?!?! What DID I know about driving?
Well, there was A LOT more that was funny....mainly about all the boys I liked and "went out with," but seeing how I am friends with most of them on Facebook, I should refrain from talking about them. Just so you know, I no longer keep a diary...promise! :)
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
Am I The Only One?: Parenting Edition
OK, so you probably know by now that I have become a foster parent to two little girls--a baby and a toddler. Becoming an instant parent has taught me a few things....most of which leave me asking, "Is this my real life?" And yes, it is. If you're thinking that this post is going to be about the miracle of life, and how great it is to stare into a child's eyes, you're wrong. This is the real scoop on my experience as a single parent. Having been around children forever, there were plenty of things that I knew. Apparently, some things, people just don't talk about. Never fear, I'm not one to hold back. Am I the only one who these things happen to? Probably not. If you can relate, let me know. If you think I'm just crazy, or something might be wrong with me, please make me aware of that too so I can get it checked out.
Am I the only one who never takes a full-length shower?
One of my specialties in life has been quick showers. When you add a baby to the mix, however, they become super speedy. I always bring toys into the bedroom, shut all the hallway doors so she can't fall down the stairs, and proceed to take the fastest shower of my life. About 37 seconds into the shower though, inevitably, there's a little head that pops into the shower. Um, that freaks me out! I cannot just be standing there all naked with a random kid staring at me. I try to distract her by throwing random objects out for her to play with...shaving cream or whatever I can find. Don't worry, that only lasts about 3 seconds, and then the shower curtain gets pulled back again. I don't know when the last time was that I actually did everything I'm supposed to do in the shower. Just the other day I looked at my armpit hair and realized it was long enough to braid. Why? Because I'm scared the little head poking in will notice me playing with a razor and then it will become a new toy. Most people would remedy this by taking a shower at night, but I've tried that, and it just doesn't work out too well for me. My hair always looks crazy the next day! If you notice a stench around me, please just wave, walk on, and try to be understanding.
Am I the only one who becomes schizophrenic at night?
When I first got the girls, I told the oldest to yell for me if she needed me in the middle of the night. She learned that really quickly, and had no problem yelling "Ms. Amanda" as loudly as possible, over and over. After I explained to her that she doesn't need to yell for no reason, the yelling pretty much stopped. The problem is, I still hear voices! I wake up at random hours and am sure that I heard someone yelling my name or crying. It's kind of disturbing. I'm not sure if that's normal for parents, or if I should be committed.
Am I the only one who always has their bra hanging out of their shirt?
Until about eight weeks ago, I thought that my bras were just fine. There's nothing like a good, plain, nude bra. The problem is that the baby finds it fun to just walk around pulling my shirt down. What the heck? Now everyone knows I'm just a plain Jane nude girl! I was walking around church one day and my sister informed me that I was all hanging out. That's just unnecessary in the house of God. The bad part is, I don't even feel it anymore. It just seems normal to be all exposed. This leaves me with two choices...tie the kids hands up, or buy some cuter bras. Have you seen the price of bras?!?!
Am I the only one who isn't a germophobe?
OK, I know there are probably some hand sanitizing fanatics reading this right now, so I apologize in advance. I have never been a person who is super germ conscious. (Well, I became a little bit more so after having my spleen taken out since I have less of an immune system.) When I go out in public, people are appalled by the fact that I let the baby eat right off the table. I tear some food up, put it in front of her on the table, and she goes to town. Everyone freaks out! I have friends who have picked up the food, put it on a plate, and then given it back to her. My favorite part is when the baby throws the plate across the room, and the friend continues to try. I want to look at them and say that there's no point. She specializes in throwing things, and I am not trying to get hit in the head with a dish. Eating off the table isn't going to kill her. I promise!!! I'm really glad that they don't come to my house. The baby throws food all over the place, and sometimes I leave it there in case she wants a snack! People also freak out when I don't pull out a bottle of hand sanitizer after every bodily function. I just want to say that I appreciate all of the concern, but it's really going to be okay.
I had about 14 other things I wanted to write about, but my memory has really been failing me since I got the kids. I feel like I should start taking notes for the next installment of Am I The Only One? I am sure that a certain little kid would draw all over it, or a baby would eat it for a snack, so that probably will never make it into the blog. Any reassurance that I'm normal would be appreciated!
Am I the only one who never takes a full-length shower?
One of my specialties in life has been quick showers. When you add a baby to the mix, however, they become super speedy. I always bring toys into the bedroom, shut all the hallway doors so she can't fall down the stairs, and proceed to take the fastest shower of my life. About 37 seconds into the shower though, inevitably, there's a little head that pops into the shower. Um, that freaks me out! I cannot just be standing there all naked with a random kid staring at me. I try to distract her by throwing random objects out for her to play with...shaving cream or whatever I can find. Don't worry, that only lasts about 3 seconds, and then the shower curtain gets pulled back again. I don't know when the last time was that I actually did everything I'm supposed to do in the shower. Just the other day I looked at my armpit hair and realized it was long enough to braid. Why? Because I'm scared the little head poking in will notice me playing with a razor and then it will become a new toy. Most people would remedy this by taking a shower at night, but I've tried that, and it just doesn't work out too well for me. My hair always looks crazy the next day! If you notice a stench around me, please just wave, walk on, and try to be understanding.
Am I the only one who becomes schizophrenic at night?
When I first got the girls, I told the oldest to yell for me if she needed me in the middle of the night. She learned that really quickly, and had no problem yelling "Ms. Amanda" as loudly as possible, over and over. After I explained to her that she doesn't need to yell for no reason, the yelling pretty much stopped. The problem is, I still hear voices! I wake up at random hours and am sure that I heard someone yelling my name or crying. It's kind of disturbing. I'm not sure if that's normal for parents, or if I should be committed.
Am I the only one who always has their bra hanging out of their shirt?
Until about eight weeks ago, I thought that my bras were just fine. There's nothing like a good, plain, nude bra. The problem is that the baby finds it fun to just walk around pulling my shirt down. What the heck? Now everyone knows I'm just a plain Jane nude girl! I was walking around church one day and my sister informed me that I was all hanging out. That's just unnecessary in the house of God. The bad part is, I don't even feel it anymore. It just seems normal to be all exposed. This leaves me with two choices...tie the kids hands up, or buy some cuter bras. Have you seen the price of bras?!?!
Am I the only one who isn't a germophobe?
OK, I know there are probably some hand sanitizing fanatics reading this right now, so I apologize in advance. I have never been a person who is super germ conscious. (Well, I became a little bit more so after having my spleen taken out since I have less of an immune system.) When I go out in public, people are appalled by the fact that I let the baby eat right off the table. I tear some food up, put it in front of her on the table, and she goes to town. Everyone freaks out! I have friends who have picked up the food, put it on a plate, and then given it back to her. My favorite part is when the baby throws the plate across the room, and the friend continues to try. I want to look at them and say that there's no point. She specializes in throwing things, and I am not trying to get hit in the head with a dish. Eating off the table isn't going to kill her. I promise!!! I'm really glad that they don't come to my house. The baby throws food all over the place, and sometimes I leave it there in case she wants a snack! People also freak out when I don't pull out a bottle of hand sanitizer after every bodily function. I just want to say that I appreciate all of the concern, but it's really going to be okay.
I had about 14 other things I wanted to write about, but my memory has really been failing me since I got the kids. I feel like I should start taking notes for the next installment of Am I The Only One? I am sure that a certain little kid would draw all over it, or a baby would eat it for a snack, so that probably will never make it into the blog. Any reassurance that I'm normal would be appreciated!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Some Thoughts About Short People
I have come to the conclusion that I am abnormally short. I am a whopping 4'9" (and 3/4), but usually I round on up to 4'10". I have noticed that I'm not the only person who is over 8 years old and short. The comments that people make never cease to amaze me. Every time I meet someone who is even two inches taller than me, I feel the need to say, "I'm sorry I'm so short." Really? Below you will find my thoughts about short people.
Top 3 Questions/Comments
1) "You are so short!!" (I would like to say "Really?!?! OMG! No one ever told me that, and I never noticed! Thank you for letting me know.")
2) "Are you a midget?" (My response is usually just "No," but I would like to respond with another question..."Are you stupid?")
3) "Can you see over the steering wheel?" (What would I like to say? "Oh gosh no, I just drive around and hope I don't hit anything.")
Top 3 Talents of a Short Person
1) We can climb up any structure very quickly.
I basically can't reach anything on any shelf in any store. I can, however, figure out just where to stand to keep from knocking everything off while reaching what I need. If for some reason it is too high for that, I just stand around until someone at least five feet tall comes along, and ask them to get it down for me. It is slightly embarrassing.
2) We can pay less for our shoes.
One of the bonus features of being 4'9" is ridiculously small feet. I wear a kids' size 4.5 shoe. Why even have feet if they are that small? Most people think being able to buy shoes in the kids department is great, because they are cheaper. They are cheaper...and I'm grateful for that. It does, however, take me approximately two hours to find a new pair of shoes. All of the shoes my size have pictures of Dora, fairies, or princesses on them. If not, they light up. Most all of them have Velcro. It's truly a tragedy. At least they cost a little less though. Maybe no one will notice that they light up.
3) We can get comfortable in any kind of chair.
A sad part of being short is that your feet never reach the floor....ever. (Unless you carry around one of those teeny tiny chairs that kindergartners sit in, but then you don't even look right.) A short person is an expert at sitting on their legs, or criss-crossed. It works pretty well, unless you're in a rolling chair, and then it's a little dangerous. Short people almost always have at least one leg asleep, but it's all good.
Top 3 Disappointments of Being Short
1) No matter how many times you go to an amusement park, they have to measure you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than being almost thirty years old, and having to wear an armband to prove that you are tall enough to ride all of the rides at Kings Island. Even with the armband, they still measure you!
2) Biking is basically not an option.
The only bike that is comfortable for someone this short is fully decorated in Disney characters and has colorful streamers coming off of the handlebars. Adult bikes are WAY too tall, and if you fall off, it could be devastating.
3) You simply cannot buy clothes off the rack.
If you're really short, and an occasion comes up where you need a new outfit, you might as well cancel. By the time you find something in the petite department that doesn't look like your great-grandma, have it cut off, then shop for two hours in the kids department for a pair of shoes to match, you've most likely missed your event. You should probably feign illness.
Top 3 Things to Avoid Doing Around a Short Person
1) Please do not use a short person as a measuring device.
You would not believe how many people come up to me, stand shoulder to shoulder, and say "I think I'm growing," or "I'm almost as tall as you." No offense, but that is not going to earn you a place in the Guinness Book of Records.
2) Please do not say "I thought you were a kid."
I do realize that I'm a teacher, and spend most of my day walking in a straight line with 8 year olds, but really? There's really no reason that I would ever like you to think that I am 8, so please avoid saying that I look like a kid.
3) Please avoid calling a short person a "little person."
I am not affiliated with "Little People, Big World," nor "The Little Couple." I am not a little person; I'm just short.
Well, now you should feel highly educated on the life and times of a short person. I hope that you've found this helpful, and can apply it to your life. Really, it's all funny, but slightly annoying stuff. I hope I've made you smile.
Top 3 Questions/Comments
1) "You are so short!!" (I would like to say "Really?!?! OMG! No one ever told me that, and I never noticed! Thank you for letting me know.")
2) "Are you a midget?" (My response is usually just "No," but I would like to respond with another question..."Are you stupid?")
3) "Can you see over the steering wheel?" (What would I like to say? "Oh gosh no, I just drive around and hope I don't hit anything.")
Top 3 Talents of a Short Person
1) We can climb up any structure very quickly.
I basically can't reach anything on any shelf in any store. I can, however, figure out just where to stand to keep from knocking everything off while reaching what I need. If for some reason it is too high for that, I just stand around until someone at least five feet tall comes along, and ask them to get it down for me. It is slightly embarrassing.
2) We can pay less for our shoes.
One of the bonus features of being 4'9" is ridiculously small feet. I wear a kids' size 4.5 shoe. Why even have feet if they are that small? Most people think being able to buy shoes in the kids department is great, because they are cheaper. They are cheaper...and I'm grateful for that. It does, however, take me approximately two hours to find a new pair of shoes. All of the shoes my size have pictures of Dora, fairies, or princesses on them. If not, they light up. Most all of them have Velcro. It's truly a tragedy. At least they cost a little less though. Maybe no one will notice that they light up.
3) We can get comfortable in any kind of chair.
A sad part of being short is that your feet never reach the floor....ever. (Unless you carry around one of those teeny tiny chairs that kindergartners sit in, but then you don't even look right.) A short person is an expert at sitting on their legs, or criss-crossed. It works pretty well, unless you're in a rolling chair, and then it's a little dangerous. Short people almost always have at least one leg asleep, but it's all good.
Top 3 Disappointments of Being Short
1) No matter how many times you go to an amusement park, they have to measure you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than being almost thirty years old, and having to wear an armband to prove that you are tall enough to ride all of the rides at Kings Island. Even with the armband, they still measure you!
2) Biking is basically not an option.
The only bike that is comfortable for someone this short is fully decorated in Disney characters and has colorful streamers coming off of the handlebars. Adult bikes are WAY too tall, and if you fall off, it could be devastating.
3) You simply cannot buy clothes off the rack.
If you're really short, and an occasion comes up where you need a new outfit, you might as well cancel. By the time you find something in the petite department that doesn't look like your great-grandma, have it cut off, then shop for two hours in the kids department for a pair of shoes to match, you've most likely missed your event. You should probably feign illness.
Top 3 Things to Avoid Doing Around a Short Person
1) Please do not use a short person as a measuring device.
You would not believe how many people come up to me, stand shoulder to shoulder, and say "I think I'm growing," or "I'm almost as tall as you." No offense, but that is not going to earn you a place in the Guinness Book of Records.
2) Please do not say "I thought you were a kid."
I do realize that I'm a teacher, and spend most of my day walking in a straight line with 8 year olds, but really? There's really no reason that I would ever like you to think that I am 8, so please avoid saying that I look like a kid.
3) Please avoid calling a short person a "little person."
I am not affiliated with "Little People, Big World," nor "The Little Couple." I am not a little person; I'm just short.
Well, now you should feel highly educated on the life and times of a short person. I hope that you've found this helpful, and can apply it to your life. Really, it's all funny, but slightly annoying stuff. I hope I've made you smile.
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