Am I The Only One?: Parenting Edition

OK, so you probably know by now that I have become a foster parent to two little girls--a baby and a toddler. Becoming an instant parent has taught me a few things....most of which leave me asking, "Is this my real life?" And yes, it is. If you're thinking that this post is going to be about the miracle of life, and how great it is to stare into a child's eyes, you're wrong. This is the real scoop on my experience as a single parent. Having been around children forever, there were plenty of things that I knew. Apparently, some things, people just don't talk about. Never fear, I'm not one to hold back. Am I the only one who these things happen to? Probably not. If you can relate, let me know. If you think I'm just crazy, or something might be wrong with me, please make me aware of that too so I can get it checked out.

Am I the only one who never takes a full-length shower?
One of my specialties in life has been quick showers. When you add a baby to the mix, however, they become super speedy. I always bring toys into the bedroom, shut all the hallway doors so she can't fall down the stairs, and proceed to take the fastest shower of my life. About 37 seconds into the shower though, inevitably, there's a little head that pops into the shower. Um, that freaks me out! I cannot just be standing there all naked with a random kid staring at me. I try to distract her by throwing random objects out for her to play with...shaving cream or whatever I can find. Don't worry, that only lasts about 3 seconds, and then the shower curtain gets pulled back again. I don't know when the last time was that I actually did everything I'm supposed to do in the shower. Just the other day I looked at my armpit hair and realized it was long enough to braid. Why? Because I'm scared the little head poking in will notice me playing with a razor and then it will become a new toy. Most people would remedy this by taking a shower at night, but I've tried that, and it just doesn't work out too well for me. My hair always looks crazy the next day! If you notice a stench around me, please just wave, walk on, and try to be understanding.

Am I the only one who becomes schizophrenic at night?
When I first got the girls, I told the oldest to yell for me if she needed me in the middle of the night. She learned that really quickly, and had no problem yelling "Ms. Amanda" as loudly as possible, over and over. After I explained to her that she doesn't need to yell for no reason, the yelling pretty much stopped. The problem is, I still hear voices! I wake up at random hours and am sure that I heard someone yelling my name or crying. It's kind of disturbing. I'm not sure if that's normal for parents, or if I should be committed.

Am I the only one who always has their bra hanging out of their shirt?
Until about eight weeks ago, I thought that my bras were just fine. There's nothing like a good, plain, nude bra. The problem is that the baby finds it fun to just walk around pulling my shirt down. What the heck? Now everyone knows I'm just a plain Jane nude girl! I was walking around church one day and my sister informed me that I was all hanging out. That's just unnecessary in the house of God. The bad part is, I don't even feel it anymore. It just seems normal to be all exposed. This leaves me with two choices...tie the kids hands up, or buy some cuter bras. Have you seen the price of bras?!?!

Am I the only one who isn't a germophobe?
OK, I know there are probably some hand sanitizing fanatics reading this right now, so I apologize in advance. I have never been a person who is super germ conscious. (Well, I became a little bit more so after having my spleen taken out since I have less of an immune system.) When I go out in public, people are appalled by the fact that I let the baby eat right off the table. I tear some food up, put it in front of her on the table, and she goes to town. Everyone freaks out! I have friends who have picked up the food, put it on a plate, and then given it back to her. My favorite part is when the baby throws the plate across the room, and the friend continues to try. I want to look at them and say that there's no point. She specializes in throwing things, and I am not trying to get hit in the head with a dish. Eating off the table isn't going to kill her. I promise!!! I'm really glad that they don't come to my house. The baby throws food all over the place, and sometimes I leave it there in case she wants a snack! People also freak out when I don't pull out a bottle of hand sanitizer after every bodily function. I just want to say that I appreciate all of the concern, but it's really going to be okay.


I had about 14 other things I wanted to write about, but my memory has really been failing me since I got the kids. I feel like I should start taking notes for the next installment of Am I The Only One? I am sure that a certain little kid would draw all over it, or a baby would eat it for a snack, so that probably will never make it into the blog. Any reassurance that I'm normal would be appreciated!