I began the process of becoming a foster parent five years ago. I can confidently say that I had no idea what I was getting into. Looking back on this crazy journey, I can say I've learned a lot. Some of these lessons have been extremely hard to learn, and some of them I have to remind myself of daily. This month is National Foster Care Awareness Month, and I want to share what I've learned.
Almost everything is unknown.
"What's the deal with his/her parents?" I don't know.
"Will you get to keep her?" I don't know.
"What will happen at court?" I don't know.
"How long will he be with you?" I don't know.
"Are there any medical conditions that run in the family?" I don't know.
"Did he/she have prenatal treatment?" I don't know.
"Were there any complications at birth?" I don't know.
So many questions, just one answer. So much of foster care is unknown...an unknown past, and an unknown future. One thing I've learned through all of this is that I don't need to have the answers. I need to trust in the One who does, and the rest will be okay.
I'm not in control. AT ALL.
As a person who likes to have a plan for everything, it's kind of funny that this is my life. I have never done anything in my life that requires as much patience and trust as being a foster parent. As much as I want to be the person who decides what is best for these babies, I don't get to. I don't get to determine when a parent is ready for the baby to return to him/her. I don't get to decide if a family member is appropriate enough to take care of a child. I don't get to have a say in what these children came from, or what they will return to. My job is to take care of these babies while I have them, and leave the rest to God. This is the most difficult task I've ever had. Thankfully, God's plans are way better than my own.
Other foster parents make amazing friends.
I can honestly say that many times, I feel very isolated as a foster parent. My life as a parent revolves around waiting, paperwork, more waiting, home visits, court, even more waiting, doctor visits, packing up baby clothes, unpacking baby clothes, WIC appointments, sitting in the lobby of DCBS, and some more waiting. All of this, on top of working full time, taking care of a sweet child, and keeping my house somewhat together is a lot to do on my own. I'm probably not the best friend...not because I don't want to be, but because there's just so much going on. I don't have a lot of time to hang out or catch up with people like I would like to, and I hate that.
One beautiful thing about foster parenting is the friendships that grow between foster parents. There are lots of foster parents in my town and church who have become dear friends. They understand how chaotic things can be, and a once a month check in with each other can mean the world. The conversations that are had between us are raw and honest. There's no judgement. There are tears of intense pain, and tears of joy. I can look another foster mama in the eyes and say, "I understand," and truly mean it. We understand the heartbreak, the fear, and the joy that comes with this journey. I will be forever grateful for the foster parent friends I have made. Although we may not talk or get together often, they are such a blessing.
I'm not a perfect parent, and that's okay.
Parenting is hard...that's all. When I envisioned myself as a parent, I assumed I'd be cooking healthy dinners, doing arts and crafts with my children, and maintaining a perfectly clean, organized home. Well, that was a joke! My meals consist of heating up some frozen peas, opening a pack of mandarin oranges, and microwaving a hot dog. Arts and crafts are few and far between...unless the occasional coloring or Play-Doh session counts. My house is rarely clean, although it is pretty organized. The laundry is never caught up, and most of the time there are dishes in the sink. Although there are a lot of things I should probably do if I want to earn the title of "the perfect parent," I'm okay with just being okay. I try to keep in mind that God picked me to parent these sweet babies, and I'm perfect for them while they need me.
Even though it's the hardest thing, being a foster parent is the best thing I've ever done.
This is all hard. SO VERY HARD. There have been many days where I've thought it was all too much. It would be so much easier to pick up the phone and call my worker to say that I can't do it anymore. I can't handle the heartbreak of packing up a baby I've had for months. I can't love another baby, just to hand them over to someone in the parking lot of DCBS. I just can't. But somehow, I've never made that call. And then the phone rings again, and there's a baby in need, and I say yes. I pick up that new baby, and I fall in love all over again. A lot of people tell me that the children I have "are so blessed," but that's not really the case. It's me. I'm the one who is blessed to be able to care for these children when they need it the most. The joy they bring to my life is indescribable. It'll never be easy, but it'll always be worth it.
If I can do it, so can you.
"I could never be a foster parent." I've heard that approximately 4,392 times in the last five years. Here's the truth. You could be. If I can do this, so can you. If it's been on your heart and mind, there's a reason. There are children who need you to be there for them. I would love nothing more than to walk alongside you as you start this journey. Please, contact me with any questions or for further information. I promise to be honest and answer any questions you have. If you're unable to foster, you're still able to support foster parents. Again, contact me if you'd like ideas/information. If nothing else, pray. Pray for foster children, foster parents, social workers, birth parents, judges...all of the people involved. Your prayers would be so appreciated.
As always, thank you to everyone who has been there for me and the children over the last five years. Your support, messages, and prayers mean the world to me. You are a blessing.
